Happily Ever After~

Three months down; a lifetime to go...

Rest assured for those who left off at the end of the last post; after overcoming the challenges of the first month things have drastically improved.

We have been studying 1Corinthians in church the last several weeks and learning more about love. I would like to say how ironic that is but I know better; God can orchestrate the timeliness of such things. We have been learning how love is not a feeling or an emotion but instead is an action, a verb, a choice. Agape love, which is what Jesus has taught us, is a sacrificial love. During that first oh so challenging month after meeting Kinley, I believed I wasn’t loving her. I had been waiting for this feeling to wash over me and for weeks it just wasn’t happening.

However, I am so thankful to better understand the truth. For all those weeks I was indeed loving my daughter…in China following her lead to allow her a sense of control, on our 13 hour flight staying awake to make certain she didn’t roll off her seat, once home allowing her to sleep in my arms avoiding the bedrooms and the entire upstairs as it caused her great anxiety, at mealtime permitting her to sit on my lap and feeding her exactly the bite of food she would point to, and staying by her side to offer comfort during tantrums that could last as long as an hour as she struggled through the grieving process. The list goes on and on as any adoptive parent can tell you.

So here I am to tell you, our life as it stands now has been pretty remarkable. We have all learned more about Kinley and Kinley has gained more trust in us. She has revealed to us where we each need to grow whether in patience or showing compassion. She has let her guard down enough to show us glimpses of her past. I have learned how selfish I can be and that I need to work harder to be selfless. My desires are a drop in the bucket compared to her needs.

And her personality, oh such personality. She is full of so much personality. She has just started waking in the morning without crying. Sometimes she likes me to rock her for a bit and occasionaly she'll climb into our bed for a few snuggles-something she is still getting used to. She likes to have a say so in what she is wearing. If she doesn't like what is picked out for her to wear, she'll let ya know. The girl loves her hair bows (which makes her big sisters very happy). Kinley loves craft projects and little school projects. If Liam is working in his kindergarten workbook, she wants to work in a workbook too. She is very detail oriented and will stick with a task until she is satisfied she has done a good job. The girl has got some coordination. With her swim vest on she can swim across the pool, she can hit the ball with her daddy pitching, she can do her splits and LOVES music and dancing. Her favorite song she calls "driving my car" and does the motions as she hears "driving in my car, driving far I'm a movie star, driving in my car, vroom, vroom, vroom". However, what she adores most is her ge' ge (big brother) Liam. We had hoped Liam would get a sibling that looks up to him and she sure does. Sometimes almost to a fault. We have had to come up with some strategies to make taking turns fair. Early on Kinley wanted basically whatever Liam had. If it was her turn to go first, she would defer to Liam and then pick what Liam had for herself! As time goes on, she is venturing out and thinking more independently. However, if the "Littles" are apart from each other for too much time, they are both asking about each other.

Most amazingly perhaps is how genuine our love for each other has become. Early on we may have been demonstrating loving gestures, however, the total transformation of our hearts in just 3 months has been life changing. When I hold her, she now molds herself into my body. When we are apart, I ache for her. When I think of her, I smile. She looks at me knowingly for a thumbs up when she knows I will be proud. She is willing to venture out more both at home and at places like the playground trusting we will be right where she left us. And this little girl who just a few months ago literally shrieked when we closed our eyes and bowed our heads to pray is now the precious one leading our dinner prayers. At bedtime after our story is read she leaps into my lap knowing she will receive a blessing before bed. And now that we have known each other for 3 months, I have to say that not only do I love this little girl, I like this little girl as well.

To adopt from China there is a LOT of prep work from paperwork to learning about attachment and bonding. Although Kinley was only 3.5 years old, she was considered an older child adoption. While three years old is not a baby, it is also not an older child in the sense of understanding what is going on through being thrust into the arms of a new family and toted to the other side of the world and into an entirely new culture. In hindsight, we may have underestimated the challenges that layed before us 3 months ago. Or perhaps God was protecting all of our hearts and just asking us to keep our faith in him. And as he has done so many times before, he once again has carried us through to the other side. His ways are always best.

I said to Steve tonight, maybe we could do this one more time???